cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
