There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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