he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
