Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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