I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize