did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
