am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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