so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we should paint friendship bongs
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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