i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
