i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
