Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
