Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
