i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
