Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am one with the molecules
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
