dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
