At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
