and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
