Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
