Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
