Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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