Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
