i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize