you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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