if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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