I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
