I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
