no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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