For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
