remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
