As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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