You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
