i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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