i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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