my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
