so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
