Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
