Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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