The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
