i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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