Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
