Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Ketchup is God's man juice
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So. Much. Porn.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
