I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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