if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
