I skipped work to stalk him.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
