i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
