last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
