If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
