we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
