I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize