At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
