Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
