and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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