Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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