You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
