am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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