yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just google imaged poop.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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