I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
one two three fourrrrnication!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
