Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
