Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The adults are the big ones right?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
