what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
