Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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