sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
