I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
