Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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