Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just had sex on a roof
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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