It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
only if we run a train.
done.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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