don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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