Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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