dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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