Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
