It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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