my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
