dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
