I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
