what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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