i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
