Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
