It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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