I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
