So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
