I want to make a zoo with you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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