haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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