Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
