No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
