THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
